I'm not technically ten-months-old until the 19th but I have a strong feeling that I will still want these things for Christmas after I turn the big double digits. My parents have given you the list that they claim is from me, but Santa, I can't spell yet--I'm barely talking--so that letter is clearly not from me. This list is comprised of the things I really want, although I am looking forward to the Fisher-Price Little People Klip Klop Stable that I was promised so please bring that, too. What I want for Christmas is not so much presents, but freedom! All of these gates and child proof outlet covers? It's like living in jail! So, Santa, maybe you could leave a note for my folks or something and ask them to give me some space. I'll, in turn, promise not to stick my tongue in a light socket.
1. An Orange.More specifically, a clementine. Cuties are my favorite. They are some sort of hybrid between a tangerine and a clementine. I can eat these all day. I don't have many teeth yet but somehow I don't choke on these so bring me as many as you can. Bing Crosby dreamed of a white Christmas. I'd like mine to be orange.
2. The Vacuum Cord.Not just any cord, the cord to the mini Dirt Devil my mom likes to use constantly. There is something about this cord that tempts me more than any other, it just looks so delicious and feels great on my sore gums.
3. Baby Wipes.I hear that in the olden days kids used to get their mouths washed out with soap when they were fresh and that sounds glorious to me! I love the taste of baby wipes. Mama says they're not good for me, yada yada, but something that tastes so right cannot possibly be wrong.
4. These things.I'm not even sure what these are but I love to stick them in my mouth. I'm not particular. I will settle for any kind of tags or bread ties. Also, I love tiny pieces of paper. Maybe I can just eat a little corner of this letter?
5. Shredded Cheese.Actually. I'll eat anything. I had a taste of cheese macaroni the other day and can you believe it tasted better than baby wipes! I probably would like sharing your teething cookies and milk, Santa. Just gonna throw that out there.
6. This Piece of Chalk.We have a chalkboard in our playroom and this yellow chalk has been calling my name. I've gotten a chance to draw a bit on our trampoline with it and that's fun, but this chalk is also really delicious. As soon as Mama sees it in my mouth she puts it up on a high shelf but not before I sink my tiny tooth into it. Want want want.
7. A Bath.Bubbles aren't mandatory but they would be an added bonus. I am enclosing a video so you can see how excited I get whenever the "b" word is mentioned in my presence.
8. Permission to Climb Stairs.I'm really fast, Santa. I can make it from one end of the house to the other when no one is looking and I head right for those stairs. And if I'm lucky, the parental units have forgotten to put up the gate and my big brother is not around to scoop me up. Sometimes I make it to the fourth stair before anyone notices I'm missing. I'm a spider monkey, Mr. Claus, and I need to climb stairs.
9. Mom's Camera Strap.She's always got this thing in my face and then she barely lets me play with it. How many times can I possibly pretend to smile when all I really feel like doing is grabbing this long strappy thing! Also, I'd like the ability to play with Mom's computer, cell phone, and the TV remotes. Please pardon my incessant drooling, Santa, I'm teething.
10. A Ride.I'd like to hop on these big ponies who live in our home. They don't seem to like me much unless I've got spilled milk on my lap or when I hand them a piece of my waffle. The least they can do is let me hitch a ride. Look how this pony shows her teeth when I try to give her a gentle high five. I wasn't even pulling her hair this time!
And last and most importantly...
All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.
They're already poking out of my gums, I was just kind of hoping for more of an appearance. I'd like to rush these pearly whites along so that I can better nibble on oranges, cords, baby wipes, plastic thingies, cheese, chalk, and camera straps. And when I'm done eating I'll hop on a pony, take a bath, and climb upstairs to bed.
That would be one helluva Christmas!