Sunday, June 2, 2013



I was reading an essay online which discussed how new moms feel unattractive. This is totally true. I'm a second-time new mom so I don't think I've been attractive for three years now, nor have I really thought about it. I'm happily married to the love of my life and I'm lucky if I get a shower in each day. Heck, most days I don't even look in the mirror. I'm usually covered in spit up or dirt, my hair is rarely brushed, and on the days I feel especially sick from my cancer battles I don't change out of pajamas. Attractive? What does that word even mean?

I was having a conversation with my husband yesterday about how a friend of mine thinks her husband is the most attractive man ever. I mentioned to Sean that I think he is the sexiest man on the planet--and it's true, I absolutely think he is and I tell him daily that I feel that way. I asked him if he thought that every wife thinks that their husband is the hottest. He said that of course my friend and I think our husbands are attractive, that you have to be attracted to your significant other or else you wouldn't have married them.

"So," I said without thinking, "that means you think I'm attractive then?"

I don't remember what his response was verbatim because I was so busy swooning, but he said in more elegant terms that he thinks I am H-O-T.

This shouldn't have surprised me, my husband hasn't even looked at another woman in the seven years we've been together. We are head-over-cliche smitten with each other but he is very proper and doesn't hoot and holler such things often.

My husband shows me how he feels instead. He holds my hand every time we drive somewhere in the car, makes dinner, does laundry, kisses me hello and goodbye and just because, slow dances with me in the kitchen. I may not feel attractive when I am covered in baby goo, but I always always feel loved.

Tonight Dylan grabbed Sean's wallet and opened it as he pretended to pay for a clothes hanger with Sean's credit cards. I glanced over and noticed that my husband has an old photo of the two of us on a camping trip from when we first started dating in the front of his wallet.

"You still have that picture of us in your wallet??!!" I asked, completely shocked that he still carries it around seven years later.

"Of course I do! That's me and my love."

< melt . >

You guys. You want to know the definition of "attractive"? It's your husband carting around a picture of the two of you until the edges are worn and the photo is wearing away. It's loving you forever no matter what your hair looks like and whether or not you've brushed your teeth. It's feeling sexy even in flannel pajamas and knowing that after all of these years your husband is still madly in love with you.