I realize, now, why Dylan hates to look at the camera. Yesterday we played outside and I took nearly a thousand pictures in that two hour span in the backyard. Granted I shoot in full manual mode and my camera takes multiple frames per second, but I'm shocked that Dylan even recognizes me from the amount of time I spend taking his photo. To be fair, not all of the photos were of him, just most of them.
I am dreading this upcoming week. So much so that the thought of the next five days makes me sick to my stomach. I'm driving down to the city to see a high-risk OB on Monday afternoon so that she can talk to me about all of the possible risks that a thyroidectomy could have on our baby. Over the phone, the doctor mentioned emergency c-section and I immediately felt my throat close up. The risk of this surgery to the baby is 1%. Almost nothing. But I'm only 21 weeks along and should I have an emergency c-section our little Katie Rhea will probably not survive. So I am going to go to this high-risk appointment with stubborn Irish ears and forget about all of the barely possible complications which can occur, but wont.
Tuesday I get a break from the stress. Wednesday I see my regular OB to check up on the baby before surgery. And Thursday is the day. Surgery. I'm terrified. But I'll be fine once I get comfortable in the hospital. I'm skilled at anxious pre-gaming, I worry so hard that I make myself physically sick and I stay this way for days. Sean is so used to me that he barely acknowledges my hundreds of I'm scared statements these days and says, "You'll be fine once you get there." As much as I hate for him to be right, he always is. Yay, anxiety.
I've set up computer-to-iPhone facetiming so that we can all video chat at night while I'm recovering in the hospital. Sean says he will set me up in front of the TV so we can watch Thursday night programing together as usual. This makes me chuckle. I've never been away from Dylan overnight and it feels so unnatural to me to leave my child, but I know he will be just fine with Daddy. A boy's night. That's all.
As for now, it's Saturday afternoon and we're all still in our pajamas. This is the best way to spend the weekend; plenty of naps, lots of cuddles. I even had time to read a bit in the bath this morning. The next two days are the calm before the storm and I am going to soak in every second.