Friday, December 30, 2011

The scheduling phone call

(Ring, ring)

Her: Hello, Dr. (insert name)'s office, how may I help you?

Me: Hi, yes, I need my wisdom teeth removed? I'm a new patient.

Her: Please hold.
Thank you for holding. Is it all four wisdom teeth?

Me: No. Just the left two. I've already had the other two removed. Can you tell me if you can put me to sleep when I get them out?

Her: Yes, of course! We always do!

Me: Oh thank goodness. I was awake last time and I never want to do that again.

(call continues. Woman asks for information, etc, etc)

Her: I can get you in on Thursday the 12th at the earliest.

Me: (!!!!!!!!!!!) That's the earliest? I'm in terrible pain.

Her: We can give you antibiotics to help with the pain until then.

Me: I'm breastfeeding my son, I don't think I can take them. The 12th will be fine.

Her: How old is your son?

Me: 14 months.

Her: How often do you feed him?

Me: At least every two hours.

Her: Still?

Me: ........... Yes. Still. The 12th is fine, thank you.

(schedules me for X-rays, yada yada, goodbye)

The 12th! That's a million days away from now. The lady on the phone asked me at one point how I expect to still breastfeed my son after the surgery on the meds they will give me for pain. I explained that I gave birth and did not use pain medication afterwards (I'm allergic to Motrin, etc) and that I will be just fine with good old fashioned Dayquil. Besides, I'm not a wisdom teeth extraction virgin. I've done it before, awake, feeling everything, driving to Sean's work dripping blood out of my face all over his work room floor.

My father always says he'd rather go to the dentist than to the mall. I'd rather give birth than go to the dentist. And yet, I still can't believe I have to wait until the stinkin' 12th.